i get about 3 things done a day

1.) i feed myself, my children, and sometimes my husband and father.

2.) i play with my children(kind of newborns don’t play much and with two newborns i have such little time to play with my 4 year ld 😦 )

3.) i get everyone (the twins, riley, and myself) to sleep


every so often i fit in some house cleaning, errand running, and baths for the kids or shower for myself.


it’s starting to wear on me. my house is never ever clean, riley ever does anything fun, i never do anything fun. but i know it’s all temporary. the twins will be a bit easier on the schedule in a couple months and hopefully i can get riley into preschool in the next few weeks and i won’t feel so bad about her not doing much fun stuff because she will.


oh and my back hurts waaa


I wish i could live in a barn

or cottage more like it. i want everything to be wood, natural wood, worn wood. i want everything to be real and cozy and i won’t mind creeks and groans. i want a home that’s alive and i can fill it with the smell of stews, and soups, yummy yeasty breads, and pies, cookies, and everything else! i want cozy fires, and cook outs, big multifamily dinners. a big garden in the back. i want a home my kids can grown up loving and remember fondly. but i know i will more likely move into a ranch or something boring. and i will have to fake it. but i do dream one day to have my dream home.

i’m into this

Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet. on children
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and he bends you with his might
that his arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies,
so he loves also the bow that is stable.

may lose my mind

so i’m not sure how many posts a day is acceptable but since no one reads this as many as i like seems to be a good number!


well bash hasn’t slept at all today basically and i’m in denial that it has anything to do with my new coffee habit. and i can’t imagine it actually being from that since I’ve only had one small cup today and same with yesterday and i’ve eaten way more chocolate and had way more soda before these two days with no issue. and now finn is in cahoots with him. they have both been attached to my boobs for the last 3 hours basically. bash has been all day. i seriously have been sitting in this spot with this pillow on me for about 6-7 hours out of the 10 i’ve been awake! poor riley has been playing computer games basically all day(not like she minds she thinks this is the best day ever!) and then i finally whipped out the paint and paper next thing i know she somehow spilled paint on the carpeted stairs. so that was super fun. thank god for crayola washable finger paints! another hour until i have to tackle bedtime for riley with the twins stuck to me. all this of course happens on a day tyler works 10-10! dumb work meetings. it’s not even a “meeting” they are having like a freaking pep rally at dave and busters. jerk…. jealousy? maybe. and i’m here with two tiny space heater melting me while i’m so thirsty and have to pee. i think they are both gassy and i of course cannot find the gas drops and who even knows if they work i haven’t ever noticed it helping. so i just walked away for 15 min because the babies fell asleep on the boob so i thought hey i’ll lay them down get a break… nope they woke right up. tried to calm them down tried to hang out on the floor tried to rock them nope just want the boob. i can deal with half days alone full days nope can’t do it. woah i’m getting my ass kicked by two 9 lbs babies.

Organizing the chaos

so i’ve decided once again that we have too much crap. i want to downsize the crap. i come across these amazing homes and rooms online and i think “why can’t i have that?” oh yeah i live in an apartment and have too much CRAP! i need to once again go through all of our stuff and just let go of things we don’t need. i need to ONCE AGAIN go through riley’s toys and let go!!! it’s just so hard knowing i have two more kids who will want/need toys sooner then i realize but i know i will end up buying them the things they want and riley seriously has way too much stuff! it doesn’t help to have a pack rat for a husband. he’s also a yarn hoarder. i can’t just blame my husband and daughter i too hold on to things i also half ass collect and then cannot let go of the collection. i started collecting glass bottles and jars to use as vases and candleholders and containers for my other collections like acorns and corks but then i just stopped because i buy the same products so that means i have tons of the same boring jars and i am running out of room to decorate with them. it doesn’t help having my dad here living with us which kind of holds me back from doing my own whole decor thing. but i do need to keep my hopes up because it’s almost fall and my home always seems so much more put together and cozy when it’s fall/winter and when i break out my decor. i also think i’m not cohesive with anything(including my thoughts hence the chaos of my blog posts) i have modern furniture mixed with my random wooden stuff(husband vs my taste basically) and then i love clean organized things yet i have tons of little knickknacks and decor i want to show off but that clashes. uhg. one day i will have what i want for now i’ll just slowly bit by bit begin to morph it into what i want.



Here I am!

So here i am sitting here nursing my twins awkwardly trying to figure out what to blog about. all i am thinking about is the Louis CK stand up i watched last night where he was saying that the first thing you say to a girl is always complete BS. that really the first thing you want to say is a completely gross pervy comment about what you’d like to do to her. And that’s how i feel right now. i feel like no matter what i say it will feel forced and silly since it’s my FIRST EVER BLOG POST( say that like an announcer talking about a super hero). But i am excited to blog. i want somewhere to dump my ideas that either i come up with or that i come across and want to show others! this is also a place i want to talk/brag/share/love/obsess about my family. I swear i hit the big one with these guys but i’ll post about them another day. for now i will announce that i’ve decided my new additions have their nicknames Bastien will be my little elf and Finley is my little owl. Riley has always been my little mouse. Bash looks like and elf which i looooove i am so glad one of my children looks like an elf i just hope he continues to. and Finn has the biggest eyes and makes a little oooh face with her mouth like she is making a sound like an owl and eyes like an owl. So glad these are my children. They all amaze me and i cannot wait for tomorrow to see what else they can do! PS i now have my tattoo ideas to represent my two little babes i can add to my little mouse tattoo i got for Riley a few years back. i think the all the babes are officially asleep and as much as i’d love to enjoy this delicious fall blend of einsteins coffee it’s 12:20am and i should sleep while i can. good night new world of internet people who are not yet reading this because no one knows this exists yet. wow how awkward i’m typing this as if i’m talking to people yet no one not a single person is going to read this anytime soon and if i want to be real hard on myself … EVER! either way goodnight to whoever reads this ever.